No I did not have a good summer!

 Let me set the scene – imagine a holiday cottage by the sea with one hubby waking up and three tines having breakfast and one stress/tired mummy preparing a picnic whilst supervising said tines breakfast.

Then the mummy gets a phone call on her mobile that makes her heart stop and her soul & brain go “Oh no!” here we go again.  It is the mummy’s younger sister phoning to say their cousin is in a hospice with cancer and is not expected to stay on this mortal coil of ours much longer.  At the same time time stops and flashes back to when the mummy had to tell the younger sister that their father had died because their mother was too distraught to do it.

Yes I am that mummy and that was the first week of our summer holiday and the first week of the school summer break.  All summer whilst trying to make the summer as happy and fun filled as I could for my three tines my heart would stop every time my phone rang or a text came through.  I spent the summer making sure my mobile had a signal and was charged.  Whilst waiting/expecting the news that no one ever wants to get.  My amazing cousin is proving the doctors wrong and is fighting to stay alive, unfortunately it is not a matter of when she will go home more a matter of when we all have to say good bye.  My cousin was a big part of my childhood and she has hung on for seven extra weeks now, though she gets frailer every week.

Now here is the kick in the teeth....... tomorrow is the anniversary of my father’s death.  He passed away from cancer many years before the twin towers where sent crashing down to the ground.  So tomorrow I will wake up check my phone like I do every morning, I will wondering if last night was the night or will today be the day.  I will get up, breakfast three small children and take them to school and I will mourn the loss of my family that is no longer with us.  Just like so many will mourn on September 11^th and wish that  September had not turn into a month of mourning and remembering loved ones no longer with us on this mortal coil.